החלפת שמן באוטו - גברים מול נשים

[boomer]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

 

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the

last

oil change.

 

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

 

3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained

vehicle.

 

MONEY SPENT:

 

Oil Change $20.00

 

Coffee $1.00

 

Total $21.00

 

 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

 

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of

oil,

filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check

for

$50.00

 

2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00,

drive

home.

 

3) Open a beer and drink it.

 

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

 

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

 

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

 

7) Place drain pan under engine.

 

8 ) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

 

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

 

10) Unscrew drain plug.

 

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in

process.

Cuss.

 

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.

Throw

kitty litter on spilled oil.

 

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

 

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

 

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil

filter

and twist off.

 

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil

everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in

trash

can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

 

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil

change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

 

18 ) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag

pan

full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in

back

yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

 

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

 

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

 

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

 

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to

gasket surface.

 

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

 

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

 

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

 

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,

along

with drain plug.

 

27) Drink beer.

 

28 ) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily

dirt

into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of

ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower

gas.

 

 

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw

kitty

litter on oil spill.

 

30) Drink beer.

 

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily

rag

used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening

drain

plug and bang knuckles on frame.

 

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

 

33) Begin cussing fit.

 

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

 

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December

(1992)

in the left boob.

 

36) Beer.

 

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood

flow.

 

 

38 ) Beer.

 

39) Beer.

 

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

 

41) Beer.

 

42) Lower car from jack stands.

 

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

 

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled

during

steps 23 - 43.

 

45) Beer.

 

46) Test drive car.

 

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

 

48 ) Car gets impounded.

 

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

 

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

 

MONEY SPENT:

 

Parts $50.00

 

DUI $2500.00

 

Impound fee $75.00

 

Bail $1500.00

 

Beer $40.00

 

Total-- $4165.00 But you know the job was done right!

 

 

[RS6]

why da fuck couldnt you just translate it to hebrew dawg

 

there are also poeple who dont control english as well as you do

 

i hate all those english masseges on the forums

 

sorry if i did any speling mistake

 

 

 

זה לא אישי נגדך, באמת משעשע והכל, אבל זה לא פיירי כלפי אנשים שלא יודעים

אנגלית, וכן, גם אני לא הבנתי קצת...

 

בידידות, באמת!

[ishpuz]

גדול! פשוט גדול!

מתאר די במדוייק את סופי השבוע שלי!

[boomer]

why da fuck couldnt you just translate it to hebrew dawg

 

there are also poeple who dont control english as well as you do

 

i hate all those english masseges on the forums

 

sorry if i did any speling mistake

 

 

 

זה לא אישי נגדך, באמת משעשע והכל, אבל זה לא פיירי כלפי אנשים שלא יודעים

אנגלית, וכן, גם אני לא הבנתי קצת...

 

בידידות, באמת!

 

sorry dude, i just copy-pasted it

look at the time of the post and you know why haven't i transtlated it

maybe i will sometime

but in the meantime, you can go f*ck yourself

בידידות

 

חוץ מזה יש דברים שלא מצחיקים שהם מתורגמים (ע"ע "משפחת באנדי")